Transform Your Inner Dialogue - Friend or Foe? How Therapy in New Jersey Can Help with Anxiety and Depression

What You Say to Yourself Matters…

Your internal dialogue holds immense power—often, the most impactful words we hear are the ones we tell ourselves. Have you ever wondered why it's easier to extend kindness to others than to yourself?

Are You Kind or Critical to Yourself?

Perhaps you're familiar with the relentless inner critic or the judgmental voice that emerges frequently in your everyday life? Do you find it challenging to offer yourself the same compassion you readily give to friends or loved ones?

It's natural to harbor different parts within ourselves, each with its own set of emotions and beliefs. Have you ever experienced conflicting feelings, where one part of you feels disappointed while another expected happiness? Navigating these internal landscapes becomes challenging when they diverge from our authentic selves, influencing our thoughts and emotions daily. These negative thoughts can create feelings of anxiety, depression, and unworthiness.

Can We Change Our Internal Dialogue?

Yes, you can change your internal voice, but it takes time and patience. You may have been sending these messages of negativity for quite some time. The first step to change is increasing self-awareness. Keeping a thought log or journal can be an enlightening way to track and recognize negative self-talk patterns. By becoming more conscious of your internal dialogue, you can work toward fostering a more nurturing and compassionate inner voice.

How Do We Become Judgmental or Critical?

Much of our internal experience is shaped by our upbringing, the emotional models set forth in our families, and the influences absorbed during childhood. When healthy emotional modeling has not been learned in our families of origin, we can struggle to express or understand our own feelings. By not recognizing our emotions and holding them inside, we may develop an internal critical voice, which can lead to anxious and depressive symptoms. A critical inner voice is often associated with perfectionism, extremely high standards, and low levels of self-compassion.

How Does Our Internal Voice Impact Anxiety and Depression?

What we say to ourselves has a direct and lasting impact on how we feel. Have you ever felt down or on edge but couldn’t pinpoint why? Do you notice what happens during times of stress—does your internal dialogue become more critical and negative? Our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are all connected.

We all make mistakes; that’s part of life and how we learn. When you make a mistake, what do you tell yourself? Do you say, "Good try, I will do better next time," or do you berate yourself with, "I’m an idiot"? A positive statement versus a negative one has a very different impact on how we feel and handle difficult situations. If you have a consistently negative internal voice, it can contribute to anxiety and depression.

Where Does This Critical Internal Voice Come From?

Those who experienced healthy attachment in childhood often develop a kinder internal voice. However, if you had critical caregivers, lacked positive reinforcement, or didn’t receive consistent care, you may find yourself being highly self-critical. Sometimes, trying to be "perfect" was a survival mechanism in childhood, creating a sense of control. As adults, we may continue internalizing those critical childhood messages, repeating negative self-talk patterns.

Awareness is the First Step to Change…Decrease Anxiety and Depression

The next time your inner critic takes center stage, try to pause and reflect. Is this reaction about what’s happening in the present moment, or is it tied to an unresolved feeling from childhood? For example, if constructive criticism at work or home deeply upsets you, try "floating back" in time—does this remind you of a childhood experience where you were harshly criticized?

Do You Have Trouble Recognizing Your Own Needs as an Adult?

If you grew up without a caregiver validating your emotions, you may struggle to recognize and prioritize your own needs. Were you raised to put your caregiver’s needs before your own? Did you feel responsible for their emotions or well-being? Did you take on more responsibility than was appropriate for your age?

This is known as being a parentified child. Parentification occurs when caregivers look for emotional support from their children instead of providing it. Sometimes, caregivers repeat patterns from their own upbringing without realizing the impact. Healing these childhood wounds can help you recognize your own needs, feel comfortable asserting yourself, and develop healthier emotional expression.

How Does Our Internal Critical Voice Hold Us Back in Adulthood?

Do you find it hard to speak up or share your opinions? Do you adapt to others’ views rather than expressing your own? Do you often feel as if you’ve done something "wrong" even when you haven’t? If you constantly feel anxious or depressed, it may be linked to your internal dialogue.

Try reflecting on your emotional learning from childhood. Were emotions expressed and validated, or were they dismissed? Did someone recognize and care about how you felt? If not, this may have contributed to your negative self-talk patterns.

Would You Like to Be Kinder to Yourself?

Therapy provides a safe place to explore your inner dialogue, increase self-awareness, and develop self-compassion to heal childhood wounds. You deserve to be happy and kind to yourself, just as you are to others. Prioritizing your healing journey can improve your relationships and deepen your connection with loved ones. Taking the first step to seek help can be daunting, but the change can be profoundly empowering.

If you find yourself reacting to situations in a way that makes you feel vulnerable, this may be a sign that unresolved wounds from the past are still influencing your present. Through approaches like parts work and EMDR therapy, you can embark on a healing journey, allowing old wounds to heal and granting yourself the kindness and compassion you deserve.

Take the Next Step Toward Healing…

It’s time to rewrite your narrative and leave old wounds behind. You deserve peace within yourself. The clinicians at Budd Therapy offer a safe, compassionate space to support your healing journey.

Budd Therapy is conveniently located in Basking Ridge, New Jersey, near major highways Rt. 287 and Rt. 78. We offer in-person and telehealth appointments for your convenience. Contact Budd Therapy today at www.buddtherapy.com for a free consultation.